Sometimes I Forget I Go to School in the South

But then I am reminded.

Caution

Is It 1968 In Here or Is It Just You?

Sad, and a bit humbling: looking out the window on Thursday and watching a family digging through the Ivy Garden dumpsters for the perfectly good stuff that all the law and Darden students threw away when they moved out at the end of the year.

Odd, and a bit amusing: looking out the window on Friday and seeing a much larger group show up in three cars and do the same thing—led by a wiry older gentleman with long white hair who got out of his car, walked up to the first dumpster, and dove straight in.

Fun, and quite entertaining: looking out the window on Saturday and watching a repeat of Friday's event brought to an abrupt close by a profanity-laced altercation between the guy in the third dumpster and one of the (normally quite sweet) Ivy Gardens office ladies.

Just plain surreal: picking up a copy of the C-Ville today and realizing that my dumpster-diving friend is the tie-dye wearing, hammock-weaving hippie featured in the cover story about a local commune which gets some of its resources from "mainstream." Weave on, hippie dude, weave on. But don't go too far; I might need that toothbrush back.

Kids Just Eight Bucks!

Number of months the John Paul Jones Arena has been open: 6
Number of times the 30-second radio ad for Monster Jam tells us they're coming to Charlottesville "FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!": 4

Estimated number of weeks before regular posting of longer items resumes: 2

I've Become My Father

Dear Girl I Watched From My Window for Ten Minutes This Morning While I Ate Breakfast,

It's just snow. I know that around here, an inch gets all the local schools canceled, but you don't have to wipe every last bit of it off your Jetta before you leave. The inch-high pile on your back bumper would not have affected your safety. Neither would the small chunk on the hood that you couldn't reach without diving across the car. Also, starting the car and letting it warm up whi--HOLY CRAP the ice scraper is meant for glass only don't use it on the body are you nuts you'll scratch the paint!

Sincerely,
F. Reede

No, You're Thinking of Colombia

So I ended up spending about half of my break so far in Charlottesville and the other half in Washington, D.C. Here's how the home of The University stacks up against The District in some key categories.

Parking
Charlottesville: In its winter break, post-circus state, this side of town is mostly deserted, meaning I can park wherever I want, even in the D-2 or the phase III section of Ivy right near school. If only I had a reason to.
The District of Columbia: Ticket x 2. The first redeemed itself by making me laugh with "Assaults on parking enforcement personnel are fully prosecuted." The same message on the second just slowed me down.
Winner: Charlottesville, where the first ticket is free, meters are meant to be ignored, and every store has its own lot.

Traffic
C'ville: Induces stress, delays of thirty to forty minutes.
D.C.: Induces homicidal tendencies, delays of thirty to life.
Winner: C'ville, because you'll never make it anywhere on time if you keep stopping to kill somebody.

Public Transportation
C'ville: Free buses all over campus and halfway around town. Incredibly cheap buses and cabs that go everywhere else.
D.C.: Fairly pricey metro that goes almost exactly where you don't want to go; somewhat cheaper but still pricey buses for the rest.
Winner: D.C. I've never used the Charlottesville buses (see Parking, supra), but I have been cut off by them.

Weather
C'ville: Amazing.
D.C.: They're 100 miles apart.
Winner: Tie. Seriously, it's a difference of 0.87º latitude.

National Rankings
C'ville: recent rankings include #8 best place for jobseekers, #5 "Digital City", and #1 best place to live in the United States.
D.C.: #3 most dangerous big city in America
Winner: D.C. Sometimes you have to live a little.

Obsession with Neoclassical Architecture, as Measured by Total Number of Columns
C'ville: More plentiful than the stars in the sky.
D.C.: More numerous than the grains of sand on all the beaches in the world.
Winner: Somebody please build something else.

Recruitment

A small sample of statements made by Professor Crim during class in the presence of visiting undergrads and their parents:

• "Ah, see I didn't know that's how you made methamphetamines. I just know when I'm experiencing really good methamphetamines."
• "You know wives never listen to their husbands."
• "When I got back from Amsterdam, if I had anything left over from my trip, I wouldn't have made it through Dulles."
• "So, let's say they catch the Charlottesville serial rapist. Not the local police, they're never going to catch that guy."*

*Note to prospective students: To the best of my knowledge, said rapist has not appeared since 2003, which is a long time in rapist-years. He has probably moved on. Charlottesville is still very safe. Please do not make the male-to-female ratio worse than it already is.

My Humps, My Humps

My deadly viral mumps.

What is going on with this school? Two weeks ago, it was meningitis, now this. Did I move to the South in America, or did I move to South America? Keep an eye on the news in October, because I'm starting a pool on which highly infectious third-world disease crops up here next. My money's on Ebola.
Winner gets a free trip to Atlanta, courtesy of the federal government.