Someone Got The Sensitivity Training

Old article title: Katrina's Silver Lining: UVA Law Gains a Professor
New article title: Tulane's Collins Joins Virginia Law

I'd say it's a good thing they made the change before it got cached somewhere, but they can't change page 29 in my copy of the UVA Lawyer.

Tie-Dye in the Justice Department

Law school gossip is really more TJ's thing, but I wanted to alert everyone that Virginia Law's own Professor (and erstwhile write-in candidate) John Harrison was mentioned by Ann Coulter as one of her "loads and loads of friends who are right-wingers and Deadheads" in this interview she did last June with Jambands.com (scroll down to near the end).

Relevant jokes are left as an exercise for the reader.

Lessons Learned From The Mock Interview Process

• If you can go the full half hour without breaking eye contact, they're required by law to offer you the job.
• When asked "Why do you want to work at this firm?" a good answer is "I'm impressed with the firm's excellence in my preferred practice area and simultaneous devotion to public interest." Some bad answers: "To be closer to you," "It has a funny name," and "I don't, why do you ask?"
• The interview isn't real; the need to wear pants is.
• While gender may be a social construct, the words sir and ma'am are not yet interchangeable.
• If your resume shows a GPA not reflected in your actual grades, don't check the box that says "Send my transcript to this employer."
• It's actually pronounced "noo' - klee - er"
• The "Experience" section of your resume isn't meant for your sexual history, no matter how impressive or extensive it may be. Put that under "Interests."

I've Become My Father

Dear Girl I Watched From My Window for Ten Minutes This Morning While I Ate Breakfast,

It's just snow. I know that around here, an inch gets all the local schools canceled, but you don't have to wipe every last bit of it off your Jetta before you leave. The inch-high pile on your back bumper would not have affected your safety. Neither would the small chunk on the hood that you couldn't reach without diving across the car. Also, starting the car and letting it warm up whi--HOLY CRAP the ice scraper is meant for glass only don't use it on the body are you nuts you'll scratch the paint!

Sincerely,
F. Reede

Before I Get My Grades Back

Potential Future A:
The law firm of Wachtell, Cravath, Sullivan, & Skadden, LLP is pleased to announce that Fletcher Reede has joined the firm as an associate, where he will work in the appellate practice group as well as the copyright litigation group. He is a summa cum laude graduate of the University of Virginia school of law, where he was Order of the Coif, served as Editor-in-Chief of the Virginia Law Review, and was described by Dean J. C. Jeffries, Jr. as "pretty damn smart." Since his graduation, he has served as a judicial law clerk to Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Richard Posner. Next year, Mr. Reede will serve as a clerk to the United States Supreme Court, splitting his duties between Justice Ginsburg and Justice Scalia, after which he will return to WCS&S as a partner in the litigation group. He will be expected to bill only 1500 hours per year, in recognition of the prestige his modeling career brings to the firm.

Potential Future B:
The City of Charlottesville Department of Public Works is pleased to announce that Fletcher Reede has joined the organization as an associate, where he will work in the waste management division as well as the pothole-filling group. He attended the University of Virginia School of Law, where he acquired several thousand dollars worth of debt and was described by Dean J. C. Jeffries, Jr. as "Who?" Since his departure, Mr. Reede has been in high demand by the Bank of America as well as Dominion Virginia Power. Next year, he hopes to eat at least two meals a day.

The Deal with Deals

They say you shouldn't go grocery shopping if you're hungry, because you'll buy things you don't need. I'd like to add that you shouldn't do any kind of shopping immediately after buying books for the semester. You walk out of Courts and Commerce, feeling good about yourself for having spent only $80 on 2 ¹/₂ lbs of paper full of someone else's highlights because it would have been $106 new, and suddenly your whole sense of value is off. Next thing you know, you're halfway to your car with a shopping cart full of lobster and you can't believe what a bargain those socks were at Brooks Brothers.

Other grocery-related thoughts:

• Whoever designed the newly-reopened Kroger at Barracks is insane. The refrigerated beer aisle is inexplicably also the pickles and mayonnaise aisle. Cheese and bread are distributed randomly throughout the store.
  
• Irrespective of the C&C effect, $2.06 for two pounds of sugar wafers is one hell of a good deal.
  
• I watched a guy in his late 30s stand in front the feminine hygiene products and actually hyperventilate into his shopping list for over almost a minute before picking up the biggest, pinkest package they had and moving on.
• The store brand slogan is "Try it, you'll like it." Look, Kroger, it didn't work for my mother; it's not going to work for you.
  
• I used the self-checkout machine. According to the receipt, my cashier's name was Ebony. I'd like to go on record right now in full support of racial diversity in self-checkout machines.
  

No, You're Thinking of Colombia

So I ended up spending about half of my break so far in Charlottesville and the other half in Washington, D.C. Here's how the home of The University stacks up against The District in some key categories.

Parking
Charlottesville: In its winter break, post-circus state, this side of town is mostly deserted, meaning I can park wherever I want, even in the D-2 or the phase III section of Ivy right near school. If only I had a reason to.
The District of Columbia: Ticket x 2. The first redeemed itself by making me laugh with "Assaults on parking enforcement personnel are fully prosecuted." The same message on the second just slowed me down.
Winner: Charlottesville, where the first ticket is free, meters are meant to be ignored, and every store has its own lot.

Traffic
C'ville: Induces stress, delays of thirty to forty minutes.
D.C.: Induces homicidal tendencies, delays of thirty to life.
Winner: C'ville, because you'll never make it anywhere on time if you keep stopping to kill somebody.

Public Transportation
C'ville: Free buses all over campus and halfway around town. Incredibly cheap buses and cabs that go everywhere else.
D.C.: Fairly pricey metro that goes almost exactly where you don't want to go; somewhat cheaper but still pricey buses for the rest.
Winner: D.C. I've never used the Charlottesville buses (see Parking, supra), but I have been cut off by them.

Weather
C'ville: Amazing.
D.C.: They're 100 miles apart.
Winner: Tie. Seriously, it's a difference of 0.87º latitude.

National Rankings
C'ville: recent rankings include #8 best place for jobseekers, #5 "Digital City", and #1 best place to live in the United States.
D.C.: #3 most dangerous big city in America
Winner: D.C. Sometimes you have to live a little.

Obsession with Neoclassical Architecture, as Measured by Total Number of Columns
C'ville: More plentiful than the stars in the sky.
D.C.: More numerous than the grains of sand on all the beaches in the world.
Winner: Somebody please build something else.