Delaware Needs a Myspace Account

In September after flying home and back over the course of a weekend: "Wow, with all this time spent in airports and waiting on the tarmac, not to mention getting delayed by Air Force One, we could have driven and it would have been cheaper without being much longer."

In November after spending 19.4% of the 125-hour Thanksgiving break in my car: "Oh. I guess not, then."

Although, to be fair, it would have been fine if Delaware hadn't picked last week to self-destructively seek attention. Someone should really talk to that state. Closing three out of four lanes of traffic immediately after a toll booth on I-95 the day before Thanksgiving so four guys can do some spot-welding at 3am is pretty much the state DOT equivalent of cutting yourself "just to feel alive."

What Did One Dillard Fellow Say to the Other?

(overheard in Scott Commons between two Dillards on Major Memo Day and paraphrased badly, telephone-style.)

D1: I just want to tell them, "I know exactly how long you spent on this. Don't insult me."
D2: Yeah, it's too bad they know we don't decide whether they pass or not.
D1: I wish we did.

Consider them told, Dillard #1. Consider them told.

Recruitment

A small sample of statements made by Professor Crim during class in the presence of visiting undergrads and their parents:

• "Ah, see I didn't know that's how you made methamphetamines. I just know when I'm experiencing really good methamphetamines."
• "You know wives never listen to their husbands."
• "When I got back from Amsterdam, if I had anything left over from my trip, I wouldn't have made it through Dulles."
• "So, let's say they catch the Charlottesville serial rapist. Not the local police, they're never going to catch that guy."*

*Note to prospective students: To the best of my knowledge, said rapist has not appeared since 2003, which is a long time in rapist-years. He has probably moved on. Charlottesville is still very safe. Please do not make the male-to-female ratio worse than it already is.

What is Embarrassment?

Note to RSS subscribers and cvilleblogs.com readers: This post relies on embedded and linked pictures. Blogspot blocks viewing images based on referrers, so you won't see the pictures unless you click to view the post itself.

I know it's a cliché to make fun of Celebrity Jeopardy, but if the Jeopardy writers themselves aren't letting that stop them, then neither will I.

Neil Patrick Harris got more of the Broadway musical questions right than Tony winner Bebe Neuwirth, yet it was somehow still news when he came out of the closet a few weeks ago. Third "celebrity" contestant: some guy who plays a coma patient on Desperate Housewives.

Second, this was an actual category:


The $1000 response was "What is a jab?"

In spite of the producers' fears that he might not be able to remember his own name, Doogie Howser actually did quite well. Coma guy? Not so much.

Revised Slogan

Virginia is for Lovers. Heterosexuals in Religiously-Sanctioned Long Term Monogamous Relationships.

I'm sure it will be just as popular with the tourism board.


Now be honest: Which one of you cast a write-in vote for Professor Harrison?

You Know What To Do

It's the first Tuesday after the first Monday of the eleventh month of an even-numbered year that's not evenly divisible by four. That's right, it's the midterms. So if you haven't checked a box, filled in a circle, flipped a lever, or touched a screen, get out there and do so before it's too late.

Because America without democracy is like law school without wireless internet access: scary and out of your control.

Background Check

Everyone knows that any potential employer even remotely interested in your resume will Google your name before they call. If they didn't, I probably wouldn't maintain this ridiculous quasi-anonymity thing I've got going on. But lawyers don't use Google, because you can't bill Google time to a client. Lawyers use Lexis-Nexis/Westlaw (hereafter "Lexlaw"). So before you other 1Ls send out your NALP-approved December 1st mass-mailing, you should Lexlaw yourself to see what they're going to find.

Unlike some of my fellow students, I've stayed out of the news for the most part, so I'm pretty safe in this area. I do, however, look forward to some interviewer mentioning that I won 3rd place in a fire prevention poster contest in 1995 or that I was once flatteringly described in print as "not a buffoon." If only Lexlaw carried pictures, so they could see why.


Sidenote: Thumbs up to the Law Weekly for the headline, "SBA President Adam Wolk tries to be funny." It's a full news article in just one sentence.

Possibly the Least-Enforced Law of All Time

From my absentee ballot instructions (emphasis in original):

If you have returned your absentee ballot, but find that you are able to vote in person, the law requires that you do so. You must go to the office of the Municipal Clerk no later than 10:00 a.m. on Election, Primary or Referendum Day before going to your polling place to vote in person.

"What's that honey? You don't think you're going to have the baby today? Okay, well I'd better head down to the municipal clerk's office to cancel my absentee ballot and let them know that I can stand in line all morning at the middle school instead. No, I can't just rely on the one I sent in. You remember when Henderson up the street got caught mowing his lawn before the polls closed a few years back. Nice fellow, that Henderson . . . I should put in a good word for him with the parole board. Anyway, I'll be back in a few hours, you need me to pick up anything?"

More Powerful than Locomotion

Some awesome ideas for Halloween costumes if your kid is in a wheelchair: Biker, Bulldozer, 1934 Bugatti Type 46.

Some pretty good ideas for Halloween costumes if your kid is in a wheelchair: Drummer w/drumset, Chef w/oven, King w/throne.

Kind of awkward ideas for Halloween costumes if your kid is in a wheelchair: Guy Losing His Leg in a Shark Attack, anything where the instructions say, "[t]o make the legs, stuff sweat pants with fiberfill."

Really, really, really awkward idea for a Halloween costume if your kid is in a wheelchair: Superman.

I cannot stress this last point enough: Superman + Wheelchair = Bad Taste. Always. The only way to make this any worse would be to add fake legs in the back at an awkward angle so it looks like Superman's spine has been severed.

[Goes to look at that picture again.]

Oh.

Law School Makes My E-Mail Weird

A sample of contextual ads that I've gotten in Gmail in the last week:

• "Kegspediter System - A controlled process for the return of empty kegs to the brewery."
• All kinds of first aid and emergency equipment. These are only funny once I realized they were triggered by the hypothetical fact pattern in my Torts midterm.
• "Crave Frat Brotherhood? - crave.honda.com - We feel your crave. Other people do too. Check out more craves."
• "Insanity Testing - Search for Testing Resources and Info. Find What You Want Now."
• "Daddy by 2 chix - cool daddy-to-be tees for the man behind the belly!"
• Several dozen sites advertising admissions information and pre-written personal statements.
• "Miss Your Grandkids? - New laws guarantee grandparents rights in every state - learn more!"
• "Free Insanity - Get a Free Insanity. Offer Expires Today!"