Sunday, April 29, 2007

Outlines in Song

Looks like this is going to be a semiannual feature (last semester's). Especially useful if you're limited to one page and you haven't bothered making anything to bring in. This semester, it's Con Law and it's a long one, with apologies to the Nails (original song can be heard here):

88 Lines about 44 Plaintiffs*

Marbury was a nominee,
judicial power did extend.
McCulloch just worked at the bank
which was a means to reach an end.
Martin claimed his rights to land,
SCOTUS proved it was supreme.
Gibbons got his ferry license,
Congress wiped out New York’s steam.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Carter Coal just sued itself,
court disagreed with FDR.
Jones & Laughlin wanted same,
but Roberts switched, so no cigar.
Darby’s wages were too low,
government said "pay your team."
Filburn grew himself some wheat,
still it flowed in commerce stream.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Lopez brought a gun to school,
court grew a spine and helped him out.
Then Morrison committed rape
and still no clause gave VAWA clout.
Raich just wanted to smoke dope,
CA said fine, the Feds said no.
But Flores sued City of Boerne,
and Section 5 was weakened so.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

South Dakota versus Dole,
drinking young? No highway cash.
FAIR took Rumsfeld into court,
in army/law school legal clash.
Garcia wanted overtime,
got labor rules applied to states.
New York took no toxic waste,
used Court to push it off its plate.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Printz (not Prince) could not be forced
to do Feds’ work on background checks.
Condon sued the DMV
for handing out IDs like sex.
Beazer couldn’t get a job
in NYC for doing meth.
Then Creamery of Clover Leaf
showed "rationale" is just hot breath.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Dred Scott thought that he was free,
but Taney told him no such luck.
Then Plessy tested railroad laws
‘twas J. Brown’s chance to be the schmuck.
Along came Gaines with goal of law school
(no one told him: not good plan).
He, then Sweatt, both got admission,
way to stick it to the Man.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)
Uh huh. You show 'em.

Brown asked twice for mixed-race schools,
the second time, it was the charm
But Bradley lost to Milliken,
now no bus runs from town to farm.
For Products made by Carolene,
be sure to look at Footnote Four.
But if your name is Korematsu,
expect no help in times of war.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Davis tried to join the force,
but couldn’t pass the reading test.
Adarand kept losing deals,
wants AA strict; court acquiesced.
Grutter, with companion Gratz,
split Wolverines along fine line.
And Craig v. Boren brought in sex,
for crappy beer, the men did whine.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Virginia lost on VMI,
because the diff’rences weren’t real.
While Michael M. was tried for rape
and they said no to his appeal.
Evans wanted gays protected,
Romer failed to block those rights.
Lochner’s roundly been rejected,
but now it rises to new heights.
Griswold looked for privacy
in emanations and penumb.
Roe reached to autonomy
now nominees must all play dumb.
Planned Parenthood went after Casey,
kept conservatives at bay.
Then Carhart won on D&E,
but D&X is DOA.
Hardwick lost in eighty-six,
just wanted right to sixty-nine.
Then Lawrence won for gay agenda,
Nino takes it as a sign.
Cruzan just like Terry Schiavo,
had her feeding tube removed.
Glucksberg helped with suicide,
but nine of nine disapproved.
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)
( mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four plaintiffs.

*Some of these are criminal defendants. I know. Chill.

1 comment:

Jason said...

i love the original song but this one might be better... awesome.