Miss Universe

The silliest part of the Miss Universe pageant is the National Costume section at the very beginning. They always have the girls in these hyper-exaggerated versions of their sterotypical cultural garb, but for outright silliness, there's no competing with the American version this year. I understand these aren't supposed to be representative of how people actually dress, but come on now. Is this country really best exemplified by a pseudo-dominatrix equestrian in violation of the US Flag Code, 4 U.S.C. §8(d)?

Even if it is, the pom-pom takes it too far.

Methods of contact undertaken by the other two schools that accepted me

Immediately upon acceptance
Georgetown University Law Center: Envelope containing standard congratulatory letter, small handwritten note at bottom.
University of Texas School of Law: Envelope containing standard congratulatory letter, postmark on outside stating "State of Texas, Official Business, Penalty for Private Use, WE'RE TEXAS." Leaves me unsure if last part is pride or a threat.

Winner: GULC, personal note is a nice touch and I don't need to be threatened by envelopes.

Week or so after acceptance
GULC: Letter encouraging me to attend. Packet with information about enrollment. Huge three-ring binder with approximately one sentence per page, addressing housing, student groups, and professors. Also contains keychain, CD, and about 50 sheets of notebook paper reading "Georgetown Law" down the side, apparently so the kid who sits behind me and to the left in class can know how important I am. Combined postage cost: over $9.00
UT Law: Letter granting me a substantial reduction in cost.

Winner: UT, money for school > money on postage.

Days before deposit deadline
GULC: Several e-mails reminding me of the upcoming deadline, including one giving 24 hours warning. Politely informs me there's no need to reply if I do not plan to attend.
UT Law: None.

Winner: UT, for trusting that I know what day it is.

Days after deposit deadline
GULC: Panicky e-mail that I should call immediately if I forgot to mail in deposit. Polite "farewell" to those of us who voluntarily chose not to mail in said deposit.
UT Law: Brusque e-mail that "confirms that our offer of admission has been rescinded and your place in the entering class cancelled." Signed "Respectully," the assistant dean of admissions.

Winner: GULC, for giving me a chance in case I didn't know what day it was.

Weeks later
GULC: Single follow-up e-mail with link to survey asking what it would have taken for me to choose GULC. Provided a chance for me to point out that an estimated $57,600/year total cost necessitates the offering of some scholarship money.
UT Law: Over a dozen (at last count) mailings to my home address completely ignoring the cancellation of my admission, informing this "future Longhorn" about all kinds of options for housing, meal plans, loans, and healthcare. At this point, I expect them to mail me a J.D. in three years in spite of no further contact on my behalf.

Winner: Tie, for reminding me in their own ways why I chose otherwise.

Items for sale in the impulse-buy section next to the register in the Walgreen's near my house

• Sugarless Gum


• Regular Gum


• Several magazines about Britney Spears


• Nicorette Gum


• Breath Mints


• Soap Opera Digest


• First Response Pregnancy Test

Follow the Finger

The new Butterfinger ad campaign is a little too prostate exam-y for me. Completely ignoring the overt innuendo in the "play with our monkey" game, I just think the whole thing adds a weird overtone to "Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger."

I can never watch Homer chase Bart around again.

The Unicorns Next Door

Just watched The Girl Next Door. It was decent, but I think I liked it better when it was called Risky Business. A lot more nudity this time around. So I got to wondering, maybe this movie could start a trend of remaking old Tom Cruise movies with added nudity and a new, "hip" soundtrack.

Just think of the possibilities: They could redo The Color of Money with that Paul Newman sex scene everyone wanted to see the first time around. Old Paul's still kicking; I'm sure he'd love to take a break from making salad dressing to nail some girl in a high school library. Then there's Legend. You've got sex with elves, you've got sex with unicorns, you've got sex with elves, the unicorns, and the princess, and through it all, Kanye West's "Gold Digger" so you know how cool everyone is. Finally, my personal favorite, Born on the Fourth of July, because Hollywood just hasn't filmed enough wheelchair sex.

If Tom Cruise isn't going to make good movies anymore, I think this is the only option. And if they run out of older Cruise movies, I get enough e-mails about "Hot Young Asians" in a week to recast The Last Samurai.

Start

I think I'll skip the standard "I'm starting a blog" post and jump right in. If you can't tell this is the start of a blog, then I don't want you reading my blog.

I'll be starting law school in the fall, and I've been thinking about how that's going to work out, so I went back to the early days of Buffalo Wings & Vodka to see how he went about it. At about this point in his law school career he said

When I was in high school there was this guy in my English class that I would have sworn was retarded but then I was working on some calculus in there one day and he looked over my shoulder and reexplained the chain rule to me and I realized that the whole retarded thing was just a facade that helped him get chicks and avoid being called on. I would very much like to be the law school version of that guy.

That sounds like a decent philosophy to me, so I'm going to stick with something along those lines. He did a pretty good job, from what I can tell, and I think I can do it too.

I realize, of course, that this opens me up to all kinds of people coming here and saying "I served with Buffalo Wings & Vodka, I knew Buffalo Wings & Vodka, Buffalo Wings & Vodka was a friend of mine. You're no Buffalo Wings & Vodka." Well to you I say, "That was really uncalled for, Senator." Then you can say, "You're the one who was making the comparison," then go on to lose the election and die 18 years later. So I win and get off my case about it.