A short list of things which are coming faster than fall semester grades:
A tribute.
Roberts: Getting new unlisted phone number in attempt to reduce salary-related prank calls from J. Michael Luttig.
Breyer: Making charts, same as every other day.
Scalia: Working on costume for annual trip to Burning Man under the name A-Nino Acid.
Souter: Posting fake Harry Potter spoilers on the internet.
Alito: Crossing out "Scalito" from the front of all his notebooks, and "SAA ♥ AGS" from the inside covers.
Thomas: Playing "PC" next to Will Smith's "Mac" for a series of Apple ads set to air on BET this fall.
Stevens: Unlocking every bonus track in Guitar Hero II.
Ginsburg: Planning trip to Jamaica with Douglas Ginsburg before remembering that Martin is the one she's married to.
Kennedy: Casting the deciding vote in Beach v. Pool, In Re a Hamburger, a Hot Dog and Some Potato Salad, and Hooking Your iPod up to the Tape Deck v. Just Listening to the Radio Because We'll Be There in Twenty Minutes.
...and the final category is called Roll of "Toilet Paper," with "toilet paper" in quotation marks. Every correct answer in this category will contain the phrase "toilet paper." Clues will come in video form from Fletcher Reede, on location at the University of Virginia School of Law.
$200: This cylindrical item appears in the bathrooms of most American homes.
$400: Invented in the 6th century in China, this product is known as "jax roll" in Irish slang.
$600: Lack of this household good is why I definitely had to go to the store yesterday after work.
$800: This common paper good is the one thing I forgot to get among $50 worth of groceries.
$1000: I've been working at school since surprisingly early this morning for this reason.
Things which I completed at roughly the same time:
A short list of terms that I originally thought had 'R' sounds and were just being pronounced with a heavy Maine/Boston accent:
Number of months the John Paul Jones Arena has been open: 6
Number of times the 30-second radio ad for Monster Jam tells us they're coming to Charlottesville "FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!": 4
Estimated number of weeks before regular posting of longer items resumes: 2
On the bottom of p. 96 in the Bluebook, the example given for citation to an amicus brief is as follows:
Brief for Ringling Bros.-Barnum & Bailey Combined Shows, Inc. et al. as Amici Curiae supporting Respondents, Moseley v. V Secret Catalogue, Inc., 537 U.S. 418 (2003) (No. 01-01015).I could look it up, but it's better in my head.
Law school gossip is really more TJ's thing, but I wanted to alert everyone that Virginia Law's own Professor (and erstwhile write-in candidate) John Harrison was mentioned by Ann Coulter as one of her "loads and loads of friends who are right-wingers and Deadheads" in this interview she did last June with Jambands.com (scroll down to near the end).
Relevant jokes are left as an exercise for the reader.
Thoughts upon hearing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" on the radio this morning:
Torts exam tomorrow? No time to make an outline? Got ya covered:
(with apologies to Sir Mix-A-Lot)
I like big torts and I can not lie.
You other lawyers can't deny,
That when a barge goes down in the middle of the bay
And the bargee is away,
You get stung, now your case is just junk.
'Cause you know when that boat was sunk,
Deep in the sea she's docked in,
Hand's gonna write a new doctrine.
Oh Byrne-ey, when the barrel hit'cha,
They wrote res ipsa.
MacDougald versus Perry:
Spare tire fell and (was so scary).
Ooh, Vosburg, thin-skin,
You say you got kicked in the shins?
Well, sue me sue me,
'Cause now you're an amp-u-tee.
So no more dancin',
But the court's advancin',
That intent, went,
With the cause of the event.
I'm tired of state Supremes,
Sayin' duty is the thing.
Take the average plaintiff and ask him that,
You want the judgment fat.
So, lawyers! (Yeah!) Lawyers! (Yeah!)
Has your client got a tort? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to take it! (Take it!) Take it! (Take it!)
Take that case to court!
Cases on track!
(Now you face an affirmative duty)
Cases on track!
(Now you face an affirmative duty)
Cases on track!
Yeah, buddy ... when it comes to Galindo, duty ain't got nothin' to do with my protection. B is less than PL? Ha ha, only if it's my tree.
So Jenner rolls a Chevy, licensed by the state D-MV,
But the Chevy ain't s'posed to crash in the shop of Hammontree.
Judge Mildred Lillie won't, blame, him;
A seizure moved, his, limbs.
You can make cross-claims you cook up,
But we won't lose that suit.
Some judges wanna play that "hard" role,
And tell you that the case ain't gold.
So they demur it, N.O.V it,
And I pull up quick to appeal it.
So your argument fell flat,
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your case is strong and your name's McPherson,
And your wheel did worsen.
To the Buick guys in the factories:
You made it, this thing!
Just like Escola, glass in Cola
I'm hurt and want payola.
Some knucklehead tried to diss,
But his liability's strict.
Clients came but he chose to hurt 'em
And I pull up quick to alert 'em
So plaintiffs, if the case is sound,
And you want to make sure fault is found,
Dial 1-800-WINWIN1
And speak them nasty thoughts.
Cases on track!
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I know it's a cliché to make fun of Celebrity Jeopardy, but if the Jeopardy writers themselves aren't letting that stop them, then neither will I.
Neil Patrick Harris got more of the Broadway musical questions right than Tony winner Bebe Neuwirth, yet it was somehow still news when he came out of the closet a few weeks ago. Third "celebrity" contestant: some guy who plays a coma patient on Desperate Housewives.
Second, this was an actual category:
The $1000 response was "What is a jab?"
In spite of the producers' fears that he might not be able to remember his own name, Doogie Howser actually did quite well. Coma guy? Not so much.
This is probably not going to be a favorite memory for player #3:
After 60 questions, poor Sharon managed to buzz in just enough to get one $800 question wrong and one $400 question right. And we all know what happens when Round III rolls along:
But in the scheme of things she'll be okay, because our bowtied friend went on to lose to this guy anyway.
Tonight's "Tournament of Champions" episode of Jeopardy had the following categories during Single Jeopardy:
Sign you're in a pretty safe town: when the manager of the four-screen theater you're watching Snakes on a Plane in calls the police to handle rowdy patrons, they send five or more officers.
That's correct, at the 7:30PM showing this evening at the Regal Seminole, the manager stopped the movie right as Kenan "Good Burger" Thompson took the stick so he could yell at the audience for helping to make a mockery of the movie even Samuel L. Jackson isn't taking seriously. I guess he was worried about a riot, because he brought five cops with him to ask a few people to leave.
So we sat and watched ads for about 10 minutes as the manager and the one guy who felt like speaking up bickered back and forth, then stared each other down until the guy and all his friends got up and left.
At that point the manager reminded the rest of audience that "All you college kids need to remember there are other people in here and they want to see the movie too." Then he left, feeling quite proud of himself and apparently pretending that the six people who were removed had been responsible for a full theater's worth of clapping, cheering, and yelling.
The rest of the movie finished without incident, although there was a marked change in the atmosphere after that. Until, of course, the final scene. No amount of police presence could take away the power of that scene. The Tank Man would have remained in place to witness that scene in all its glory.
The silliest part of the Miss Universe pageant is the National Costume section at the very beginning. They always have the girls in these hyper-exaggerated versions of their sterotypical cultural garb, but for outright silliness, there's no competing with the American version this year. I understand these aren't supposed to be representative of how people actually dress, but come on now. Is this country really best exemplified by a pseudo-dominatrix equestrian in violation of the US Flag Code, 4 U.S.C. §8(d)?
Even if it is, the pom-pom takes it too far.
The new Butterfinger ad campaign is a little too prostate exam-y for me. Completely ignoring the overt innuendo in the "play with our monkey" game, I just think the whole thing adds a weird overtone to "Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger."
I can never watch Homer chase Bart around again.
Just watched The Girl Next Door. It was decent, but I think I liked it better when it was called Risky Business. A lot more nudity this time around. So I got to wondering, maybe this movie could start a trend of remaking old Tom Cruise movies with added nudity and a new, "hip" soundtrack.
Just think of the possibilities: They could redo The Color of Money with that Paul Newman sex scene everyone wanted to see the first time around. Old Paul's still kicking; I'm sure he'd love to take a break from making salad dressing to nail some girl in a high school library. Then there's Legend. You've got sex with elves, you've got sex with unicorns, you've got sex with elves, the unicorns, and the princess, and through it all, Kanye West's "Gold Digger" so you know how cool everyone is. Finally, my personal favorite, Born on the Fourth of July, because Hollywood just hasn't filmed enough wheelchair sex.
If Tom Cruise isn't going to make good movies anymore, I think this is the only option. And if they run out of older Cruise movies, I get enough e-mails about "Hot Young Asians" in a week to recast The Last Samurai.
