Rock, Paper, Scissors is archaic. I'm settling my next dispute with a best-of-three match of Crocodile, Steve Irwin, Stingray. The hand motions are easy, it makes more sense than "paper beats rock," and best of all, it's topical.
Remember, kids, crocodile beats stingray!
A simple, three-step guide:
Tonight's "Tournament of Champions" episode of Jeopardy had the following categories during Single Jeopardy:
Things that have happened in the first week of law school:
Sign you're in a pretty safe town: when the manager of the four-screen theater you're watching Snakes on a Plane in calls the police to handle rowdy patrons, they send five or more officers.
That's correct, at the 7:30PM showing this evening at the Regal Seminole, the manager stopped the movie right as Kenan "Good Burger" Thompson took the stick so he could yell at the audience for helping to make a mockery of the movie even Samuel L. Jackson isn't taking seriously. I guess he was worried about a riot, because he brought five cops with him to ask a few people to leave.
So we sat and watched ads for about 10 minutes as the manager and the one guy who felt like speaking up bickered back and forth, then stared each other down until the guy and all his friends got up and left.
At that point the manager reminded the rest of audience that "All you college kids need to remember there are other people in here and they want to see the movie too." Then he left, feeling quite proud of himself and apparently pretending that the six people who were removed had been responsible for a full theater's worth of clapping, cheering, and yelling.
The rest of the movie finished without incident, although there was a marked change in the atmosphere after that. Until, of course, the final scene. No amount of police presence could take away the power of that scene. The Tank Man would have remained in place to witness that scene in all its glory.
The silliest part of the Miss Universe pageant is the National Costume section at the very beginning. They always have the girls in these hyper-exaggerated versions of their sterotypical cultural garb, but for outright silliness, there's no competing with the American version this year. I understand these aren't supposed to be representative of how people actually dress, but come on now. Is this country really best exemplified by a pseudo-dominatrix equestrian in violation of the US Flag Code, 4 U.S.C. §8(d)?
Even if it is, the pom-pom takes it too far.
Immediately upon acceptance
Georgetown University Law Center: Envelope containing standard congratulatory letter, small handwritten note at bottom.
University of Texas School of Law: Envelope containing standard congratulatory letter, postmark on outside stating "State of Texas, Official Business, Penalty for Private Use, WE'RE TEXAS." Leaves me unsure if last part is pride or a threat.
Winner: GULC, personal note is a nice touch and I don't need to be threatened by envelopes.
Week or so after acceptance
GULC: Letter encouraging me to attend. Packet with information about enrollment. Huge three-ring binder with approximately one sentence per page, addressing housing, student groups, and professors. Also contains keychain, CD, and about 50 sheets of notebook paper reading "Georgetown Law" down the side, apparently so the kid who sits behind me and to the left in class can know how important I am. Combined postage cost: over $9.00
UT Law: Letter granting me a substantial reduction in cost.
Winner: UT, money for school > money on postage.
Days before deposit deadline
GULC: Several e-mails reminding me of the upcoming deadline, including one giving 24 hours warning. Politely informs me there's no need to reply if I do not plan to attend.
UT Law: None.
Winner: UT, for trusting that I know what day it is.
Days after deposit deadline
GULC: Panicky e-mail that I should call immediately if I forgot to mail in deposit. Polite "farewell" to those of us who voluntarily chose not to mail in said deposit.
UT Law: Brusque e-mail that "confirms that our offer of admission has been rescinded and your place in the entering class cancelled." Signed "Respectully," the assistant dean of admissions.
Winner: GULC, for giving me a chance in case I didn't know what day it was.
Weeks later
GULC: Single follow-up e-mail with link to survey asking what it would have taken for me to choose GULC. Provided a chance for me to point out that an estimated $57,600/year total cost necessitates the offering of some scholarship money.
UT Law: Over a dozen (at last count) mailings to my home address completely ignoring the cancellation of my admission, informing this "future Longhorn" about all kinds of options for housing, meal plans, loans, and healthcare. At this point, I expect them to mail me a J.D. in three years in spite of no further contact on my behalf.
Winner: Tie, for reminding me in their own ways why I chose otherwise.
The new Butterfinger ad campaign is a little too prostate exam-y for me. Completely ignoring the overt innuendo in the "play with our monkey" game, I just think the whole thing adds a weird overtone to "Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger."
I can never watch Homer chase Bart around again.
Just watched The Girl Next Door. It was decent, but I think I liked it better when it was called Risky Business. A lot more nudity this time around. So I got to wondering, maybe this movie could start a trend of remaking old Tom Cruise movies with added nudity and a new, "hip" soundtrack.
Just think of the possibilities: They could redo The Color of Money with that Paul Newman sex scene everyone wanted to see the first time around. Old Paul's still kicking; I'm sure he'd love to take a break from making salad dressing to nail some girl in a high school library. Then there's Legend. You've got sex with elves, you've got sex with unicorns, you've got sex with elves, the unicorns, and the princess, and through it all, Kanye West's "Gold Digger" so you know how cool everyone is. Finally, my personal favorite, Born on the Fourth of July, because Hollywood just hasn't filmed enough wheelchair sex.
If Tom Cruise isn't going to make good movies anymore, I think this is the only option. And if they run out of older Cruise movies, I get enough e-mails about "Hot Young Asians" in a week to recast The Last Samurai.
