Here's One

Events Email - 02.20.2008
. . .
Already Announced Law School Events
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The Law Weekly Needs Reviewers!

Okay: It's not very good.

Rejected Feb Club Themes

• Feb Club Eve 1894
• Three Easy Nieces
• Haitian Paradise
• Super Jewsday
• Anything But Those (in which you can wear what you want, but everyone will criticize it)
• Revenge of the Turds
• Snowpants or Low pants.
• Kegs and Dregs

Actual 2008 Feb Club themes are available from TJ.

Where We're Going, We Don't Need Roads

A short list of things which are coming faster than fall semester grades:

• The presidential election
• Global-warming-induced flooding of the Eastern seaboard
• The next presidential election
• Jesus
• Duke Nukem Forever
• A new Ice Age
• Zoraster
  
• The Revolution
• Your Mom

Sometimes I Forget I Go to School in the South

But then I am reminded.

In the Spirit of the Day

All screen names, firm names, and undergraduate alma maters have been changed:

CavLaw09 (2:26:13 PM): Firm B did win the 2/3 coin flip but i did notice they have nobody from USC among their partners
CavLaw09 (2:26:28 PM): also their website is a lot cooler

A Word About Taking Fed Courts

Don't.

From the Mailbag

Where you been at?
-TJ

A common question. I shut down in late September in an early show of solidarity with the WGA strike. Only recently did I realize that I've never made money from web content, nor do I ever expect to, so the blog's back on.

Recommend a friend and earn money now! Do you know anybody that would benefit from one of our superb cost effective website packages? Tell us about them, if they order one of our website packages we will pay you £50 / $85!
-3rdPlanetMedia

Look, spam, we both know the dollar isn't worth nearly that much. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're trying to make me feel better instead of trying to screw me, but don't let it happen again.

Here is a fact: Girls like guys with a big schlong!
-Evangelene McKoy

Get me the people from Britannica on the phone!

I hear you're trying to get into Contracts II for next semester. Is this true? How can I help?
-Imaginary Contributor

As a matter of fact, that is the case. Drop me a line if you're planning on dropping it.

Always Clever

"It seems late in the day to notice to Erwin Chemerinsky is a prominent liberal," said John Jeffries, University of Virginia Law School dean. "That's been true for as long as I've known him. It's rather like discovering that Wilt Chamberlain was tall. How could you not know?"

I did another interview with my fly open today.

1Ls Say the Darnedest Things

Overheard in the last week:

• (Regarding Dandelion, Foxfield, etc.) "I'm not sure I have time for all these mandatory extra activities."
• "But isn't [law review] a lot of extra work?"
  "No."
  "Oh, ok."
• "I don't think they actually drink while they play softball."
• 1L #1: "I'm pretty sure this the right classroom. [Gestures at plaque reading "Wright Classroom."
  [Pause]
  1L #2: [Laughs hysterically.]
  

Adorable. Also, 1L #1, you may want to check out the offer over at TJ's. And don't ever let anyone tell you that puns aren't funny. Puns are always funny.

What Your Tie Is For

Interviews completed this week: 15
Interviews completed with my fly zipped up: 13

Reminder to Young Associates

I am aware that you are looking at my Facebook profile before you interview me.

You should probably know that I am looking at yours.

Caution

What the Supremes Are Doing on Their Summer Vacation

A tribute.

Roberts: Getting new unlisted phone number in attempt to reduce salary-related prank calls from J. Michael Luttig.

Breyer: Making charts, same as every other day.

Scalia: Working on costume for annual trip to Burning Man under the name A-Nino Acid.

Souter: Posting fake Harry Potter spoilers on the internet.

Alito: Crossing out "Scalito" from the front of all his notebooks, and "SAA ♥ AGS" from the inside covers.

Thomas: Playing "PC" next to Will Smith's "Mac" for a series of Apple ads set to air on BET this fall.

Stevens: Unlocking every bonus track in Guitar Hero II.

Ginsburg: Planning trip to Jamaica with Douglas Ginsburg before remembering that Martin is the one she's married to.

Kennedy: Casting the deciding vote in Beach v. Pool, In Re a Hamburger, a Hot Dog and Some Potato Salad, and Hooking Your iPod up to the Tape Deck v. Just Listening to the Radio Because We'll Be There in Twenty Minutes.

Partial Law Jeopardy

...and the final category is called Roll of "Toilet Paper," with "toilet paper" in quotation marks. Every correct answer in this category will contain the phrase "toilet paper." Clues will come in video form from Fletcher Reede, on location at the University of Virginia School of Law.

$200: This cylindrical item appears in the bathrooms of most American homes.
$400: Invented in the 6th century in China, this product is known as "jax roll" in Irish slang.
$600: Lack of this household good is why I definitely had to go to the store yesterday after work.
$800: This common paper good is the one thing I forgot to get among $50 worth of groceries.
$1000: I've been working at school since surprisingly early this morning for this reason.

Now That Two Semesters of Grades Are In

Looks like Option B (although maybe there's still a shot at the modeling gig).

Update 7/12/07: Hm. That's weird. Well I guess I still have this to look forward to.

Out of the Mouths of 3Ls

Comment on the method and quality of the instructor's teaching. Be specific about strengths, weaknesses, teaching techniques, congeniality of the learning environment and any suggestions for improvement.

I really didn't attend enough classes to make any sort of good comments. I was pretty bored though the first few weeks when I attended.
The guest speaker from Google was good, but had I known it was a guest speaker I would have skipped.

Also, when filling out course evaluations, why do so many people not think about how they're displayed? By this point you have to know that the responses get grouped by question, not by student. So stop putting "see above" or "like I said above" or "the aforementioned" because nobody knows what you're talking about. Just answer each question in the right box. There are certainly tougher things in law school.

Is It 1968 In Here or Is It Just You?

Sad, and a bit humbling: looking out the window on Thursday and watching a family digging through the Ivy Garden dumpsters for the perfectly good stuff that all the law and Darden students threw away when they moved out at the end of the year.

Odd, and a bit amusing: looking out the window on Friday and seeing a much larger group show up in three cars and do the same thing—led by a wiry older gentleman with long white hair who got out of his car, walked up to the first dumpster, and dove straight in.

Fun, and quite entertaining: looking out the window on Saturday and watching a repeat of Friday's event brought to an abrupt close by a profanity-laced altercation between the guy in the third dumpster and one of the (normally quite sweet) Ivy Gardens office ladies.

Just plain surreal: picking up a copy of the C-Ville today and realizing that my dumpster-diving friend is the tie-dye wearing, hammock-weaving hippie featured in the cover story about a local commune which gets some of its resources from "mainstream." Weave on, hippie dude, weave on. But don't go too far; I might need that toothbrush back.

Accomplishment

Things which I completed at roughly the same time:

• A turkey sandwich
• 1L year
• Every mission in Grand Theft Auto 2

Advice

Note to future 1Ls:
Most people will probably tell you that you should not completely ignore your Property reading all semester, to the point where several of the weekly reading-assignment e-mails remain unopened until the second week of exams. These people are probably correct.

Then again, doing thirteen weeks of reading in four days never killed anyone.

I do wish I had seen the one about coming to class on time a bit sooner than today, though.

Outlines in Song

Looks like this is going to be a semiannual feature (last semester's). Especially useful if you're limited to one page and you haven't bothered making anything to bring in. This semester, it's Con Law and it's a long one, with apologies to the Nails (original song can be heard here):

88 Lines about 44 Plaintiffs*

Marbury was a nominee,
judicial power did extend.
McCulloch just worked at the bank
which was a means to reach an end.
Martin claimed his rights to land,
SCOTUS proved it was supreme.
Gibbons got his ferry license,
Congress wiped out New York’s steam.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Carter Coal just sued itself,
court disagreed with FDR.
Jones & Laughlin wanted same,
but Roberts switched, so no cigar.
Darby’s wages were too low,
government said "pay your team."
Filburn grew himself some wheat,
still it flowed in commerce stream.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Lopez brought a gun to school,
court grew a spine and helped him out.
Then Morrison committed rape
and still no clause gave VAWA clout.
Raich just wanted to smoke dope,
CA said fine, the Feds said no.
But Flores sued City of Boerne,
and Section 5 was weakened so.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

South Dakota versus Dole,
drinking young? No highway cash.
FAIR took Rumsfeld into court,
in army/law school legal clash.
Garcia wanted overtime,
got labor rules applied to states.
New York took no toxic waste,
used Court to push it off its plate.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Printz (not Prince) could not be forced
to do Feds’ work on background checks.
Condon sued the DMV
for handing out IDs like sex.
Beazer couldn’t get a job
in NYC for doing meth.
Then Creamery of Clover Leaf
showed "rationale" is just hot breath.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Dred Scott thought that he was free,
but Taney told him no such luck.
Then Plessy tested railroad laws
‘twas J. Brown’s chance to be the schmuck.
Along came Gaines with goal of law school
(no one told him: not good plan).
He, then Sweatt, both got admission,
way to stick it to the Man.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)
Uh huh. You show 'em.

Brown asked twice for mixed-race schools,
the second time, it was the charm
But Bradley lost to Milliken,
now no bus runs from town to farm.
For Products made by Carolene,
be sure to look at Footnote Four.
But if your name is Korematsu,
expect no help in times of war.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Davis tried to join the force,
but couldn’t pass the reading test.
Adarand kept losing deals,
wants AA strict; court acquiesced.
Grutter, with companion Gratz,
split Wolverines along fine line.
And Craig v. Boren brought in sex,
for crappy beer, the men did whine.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Virginia lost on VMI,
because the diff’rences weren’t real.
While Michael M. was tried for rape
and they said no to his appeal.
Evans wanted gays protected,
Romer failed to block those rights.
Lochner’s roundly been rejected,
but now it rises to new heights.
Griswold looked for privacy
in emanations and penumb.
Roe reached to autonomy
now nominees must all play dumb.
Planned Parenthood went after Casey,
kept conservatives at bay.
Then Carhart won on D&E,
but D&X is DOA.
Hardwick lost in eighty-six,
just wanted right to sixty-nine.
Then Lawrence won for gay agenda,
Nino takes it as a sign.
Cruzan just like Terry Schiavo,
had her feeding tube removed.
Glucksberg helped with suicide,
but nine of nine disapproved.
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)
(Mmmmm...mm mm mm mm mmmm mmmm...)

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four plaintiffs.

*Some of these are criminal defendants. I know. Chill.